mmm...coffee.

I had such intentions of yesterday's post filled with wonderful recipes that are great for fasting. Dairy-free, gluten-free, fresh ingredient goodness. Unfortunately, I was not feeling so good. Still in the middle of horridness, in fact. So, it was a warm mug of tea and bed instead. My fast ends this afternoon but I will admit that I am cheating this morning. I need coffee. My sweet boy and I have a special day planned today, just the two of us. We're going here and can't wait. But I really would like to be feeling better than I am. And so I'm cheating. Coffee is a must(and maybe some ibuprofen!). I'll be better next time around. Perhaps one of these days, I'll work myself up to this. Hardcore fasting! For now...coffee. Mmmmm.

fasting.

My digestive system is sluggish. Inefficient. My tummy does not feel good the majority of the time. It goes in phases. I'll feel awful for awhile and then fine for a bit. Since I'm not eager to completely change my diet(what a complete bummer if I had to give up cheese completely!)and since I haven't figured out one definitive culprit that wreaks havoc on my belly, I've been trying to do a fast every couple of months or so. Time kind of got away from me, though and it's been at least 6 months since last I fasted. I'm not an expert by any means and I definitely could do with a bit more research on the topic but my idea is this. If I give my system a break and some time to cleanse and rejuvenate, then it will work better, more efficiently the rest of the time. I need to give my body a chance to rid itself of some of the toxins that I put into it. And so I fast. Not a complete, all out, eat nothing kind of fast. More of a removal of all the foods that I think are hard on my system, my body, my belly. During a fast I'll refrain from caffeine, sugars(except honey and pure maple syrup in small amounts), gluten, dairy, alcohol and anything overly processed. Generally I'll eat fruits and vegetables, oats, rice, occasionally some beans, herbal teas and lots of water(often with a generous glug or two of pure lemon juice). If I'm feeling extremely motivated, I'll go a day consuming only water and juices. This usually lasts 3-5 days and normally ends unexpectedly(before my scheduled end, of course)because I'm not really very disciplined. This fast will, in fact end with dinner at mom's on Saturday. If I have an opportunity to have a wine night with some friends or someone offers to feed me dinner, I'm likely to bail. I'm not very organized or methodical about it, either. But I figure, it's better than nothing, right? And I really do think it makes a difference.

I began a fast this morning. If you've never done one, it kind of sucks. Not just the not eating part, either. It's like I can feel the toxins being released in my body. I get a headache(the no coffee doesn't help!) and my whole body gets achy and sore. I'm crabby and irritable. This sets in anywhere from a few hours to a day into my fast. Today, I felt it kick in shortly after noon. I am in the midst of awfulness. But good, too. Because I know that it's doing something. I know that I need to do this. My body needs a good cleanse. A detox. And after a day or two, I feel really a whole lot better. Day 1 down. Tomorrow...just juice.

But for now, some yoga to stretch and sweat some of the ache out, a hot shower and a warm cup of tea.

about time.

So, I've been meaning to post about some projects I've been working on for awhile now. Here's my one big problem~getting pictures of them. I'm not too keen(at all!)on the whole self portrait thing and I'm never happy with how any of the shots turn out. I need to get over this. I'm working on it. So moving on...

I've been doing a bit of knitting these past few weeks and have been quite happy with the results. Above is a hat that I made for myself out of yarn from Twinkle Handknits. It's the soft chunky and it's just that. Soft, super chunky and toasty warm. I also made a sort of cowl or neck warmer out of the same stuff in a different color and love it. In fact, both of these items came from a scarf I had made some time ago and didn't love. After much deliberation and time spent hanging on a hook and not around my neck, it was torn apart and reknit. I'm so happy that it was.
I taught myself how to knit years ago and although I have quite a few years under my belt, I've never learned how to read a pattern. To be perfectly honest, I'm not very good at following patterns anyway. I'm more of a wing it kind of girl. Which unfortunately makes posting projects difficult. I can give you the end result but the getting there is more difficult to explain. This too, I will work on. I promise.

I've also been doing quite a bit of french knitting. Quite alot actually. I'm a little addicted, really. A french knitter is that orange tool in the pictures both above and below. I remember doing this as a child. But I remember them being bigger and using fingers instead of a needle or hook but very much the same. This has been a great craft for chillin' out in front of the tv with at night. And an added bonus~it keeps my hands busy so I can't eat! Perfect.

I've been using alot of leftover yarns in beautiful, bright colors that I adore and making knit necklaces. I'm really excited about these. So excited, in fact, that they may just be the first of my handmades to go into my soon-to-come etsy shop(I'm thinking in a couple of weeks, fingers crossed~yikes!).

obsession.

If you haven't tried this yet(many of you have since I've personally made about 10 batches since the holidays and lucky for you I decided to share!), please do. I am absolutely addicted to the stuff. I thought perhaps I'd get tired of it after making so much but apparently not. I made it for holiday treats, gifts and well, I had to just keep making more because I seriously could not stop eating it. And since I was having some good friends over for wine the other night, I, of course needed a treat. I had my heart set on this caramel corn because well, it's been like 3 whole weeks since I've had any! And then realized I only had about a half cup of brown sugar left instead of the cup it calls for. But like I said...my heart was set. So, I threw in half a cup of white sugar instead and couldn't tell the difference.

I've made separate batches with peanuts, pecans and toasted slivered almonds. All delicious though I think the toasted almonds are my favorite.

A bit of advise if you decide to whip up a batch...

~have everything ready before you start(vanilla, baking soda, popped corn, lined baking sheet, utensils...)because once the caramel reaches temp, you have to move pretty fast.

~do not try this without a candy thermometer. Disastrous!

~I used Newman's Own Natural microwave popcorn. I've used both the simply salted and reduced salt varieties...both good.

~plan on making more than 1 batch because it's that good.

So good, in fact, that I ate an entire jar yesterday morning. Really. It goes great with coffee. Do you suppose a big jar of caramel corn counts as breakfast?

On another, more serious note...
I've been thinking alot about the people of Haiti. Well, trying not to think alot about it actually because it weighs so heavy. I watch the news everyday and it gets to be so heavy that I can hardly breathe and the tears well up every time. I watch and want to stop watching and can't. I feel inadequate and small. Like there's nothing I can do to make a difference. To help all those people who are lost in so many ways. And I think it feels that way to alot of people. Like it's never enough. It's not. It's not enough. But contributing in whatever way you can is something and all of those somethings add up to something much greater. It's still not enough because with all that heartache and need, how could it be? But it is something.
Although there are many, many ways to give, this is one of my favorites. Craft Hope is accepting donations to sell in their shop and 100% of the proceeds go directly to Doctors Without Borders. I'm looking into donating something(though I've heard they are so overwhelmed with donations that they're not accepting any for a short time to try and catch up...how great is that?!) and will definitely be making a purchase in the near future. Check it out because what a great way to make a difference, with handcrafted, made with love goodies.

Finally, I feel I have much to post and not enough time but coming soon...
~some recent crafting and
~the incredible transformation of the insanity of a basement filled with half unpacked boxes which have been sitting there for a year and a half(this is my weekend project and a big part of my new year, new me resolution). Wish me luck!

up north.

It's no secret that this place is a favorite of mine. My family has lived and visited here for generations. We have roots here. And I am so incredibly grateful and lucky to be a part of this amazing family and have this amazing place to be with them. It's a home to us. A place we are welcome and comfortable. A place where we relax, visit, play, and be together. Truly magical.

This past weekend was no different. A wonderful time in a beautiful place with awesome people. Time filled with ice fishing, sledding, good food, cribbage and games, a little knitting, lots of snuggling, little ones playing, fires in the wood burner, baby's first cottage bath, rides on the snowmobile, moonwalks and night sledding, a good sweat in the sauna and so much more. So much that can't be put into words. How on earth did I get so lucky? Magic.

the weekend.

A weekend filled with goodness.

(more to come later!)

listing.

Ahhh...early morning listing. I am a list maker. I am constantly making lists in my head, on paper, over and over again. If I don't write it down, especially, it will run thru my head again and again until I do write it somewhere. Sometimes I need to write it down again later. Sometimes two or three times or more. Anywhere. I make lists in notebooks, in my planner, on scrap pieces of paper. Used stray envelopes have been a favorite lately. I create daily to do lists and long run to do lists. Grocery lists(often one is started immediately upon returning from the grocery store), books to read, books to own, music I want, places to go, projects to craft, achievable goals, much too grand dreams. The list goes on...
hmmm. And now a list of lists.(This would fall into the neurosis category, I think. That is, when I get around to actually labeling these posts. I'm a lister, not so much a labeler.)

marvelous night.

What a beautiful night for a moon walk! The girls cozied up in their pajamas, snuggled into the stroller and off we went for a lovely walk in the winter night.
I began taking my little ones for moon walks when Luke was just a babe, really. I'd strap him on in a carrier just before bedtime and walk. They started as summertime walks. We'd stroll around the neighborhood looking at houses and dreaming of someday. When he was a bit older, they turned into wintertime moon walks. We'd bundle up many nights and head out into the cold, crisp air and look for animal tracks and admire the snow clinging to the trees in the moonlight. Our walks became fewer and further between with the arrival of each of his sisters. But we're now finally to a point where taking all three out into the beautiful night is a bit more feasible. Oh, the novelty of enjoying the outdoors and exploring in the moonlight for me, is delightful. Now imagine being a child again. How I hope that these are the things they'll remember. Moonwalks. I, for certain,will always carry fond memories of these times.
And so very soon, we will be able to take a moon walk in one of my absolutely favorite places on earth...I can't wait!

Unfortunately I have no good pictures to post today. In fact, I can't say I have a single photo from today. And breakfast, although I did eat it, was nothing spectacular. A banana and a bowl of raisin bran eaten standing at the counter watching the coffee brew and hoping I'd get a cup and hop in the shower before any children woke.(I did! Score for me!...it's the little things that make my day.)

table for three.

Wednesday's breakfast...

I wasn't the only one who thought it looked good. This beauty enjoyed her own plate.
And this one decided to share...

Also today, more tasty juicing, fresh air and just a little bit of yoga. Well, it pretty much consisted of about 10 whole minutes of primarily down dogs and deep breathing while those same two beauties climbed on top of me. A lesson in balance and focus. And more than I've done in the past 4 weeks combined. I can live with that.

quicky

Just a quick update this morning and crossing my fingers I'll be back again later...

Tuesday's breakfast::peanut butter toast and grapes. Yum!

And I swapped the afternoon coffee for tea, too. Also on today's agenda...yoga!

zen and oatmeal.

Oh my, did I ever need this today. A little zen tea and an inspirational mug(absolutely intentional, by the way!)to try to bring some peace into my day. A day which consisted of a house full of wee ones, toys haphazardly dumped, thrown and strewn all over, overall chaos and very minuscule amounts of napping. I obviously needed all the zen I could get! But it helped. It did. Sipping hot, tasty, relaxing tea did indeed bring me some peace. I made it thru, I kept my cool and I'm not yet comatose in front of the tv. This is good.

On another note, I've been feeling fat lately. Seriously. My clothes don't seem to fit right, I'm not happy with anything I put on and I'm just overall uncomfortable in my own skin. And so, I've decided that breakfast is the answer. The most important meal of the day, right? Also the meal that I consistently skip. I make my coffee first thing in the morning and then completely forget about anything more substantial until sometime after noon. Horrible, I know. But the worst part is this...for the rest of the day, I can't seem to stop eating. Really, I snack right up until I go to bed. Not horrible foods, mind you. But far too much. I am determined to change this and I've decided to start with breakfast and hope that it fends off the all day chowing. I'm also adding tea to my afternoon regimen instead of my midafternoon coffee fix(because I also need a hot cup of something within arms reach at all times!) And attempting to throw in a few more fruits and veggies when I do eat. I don't mind the more meals more often, I just need to put more emphasis on the smaller meals, more often. So, enough of my fatty, I need to eat better ranting and back to breakfast. I think it's a good place to start. And I'll try to keep an update going at least for the week(mostly, so I have a bit more incentive to follow thru).
This is what I had for breakfast this morning...a(very small because I don't want to go too crazy right off the bat!)bowl of oatmeal with slivered almonds and drizzled with pure maple syrup, a clementine and of course, coffee. Very good, if I do say. And I haven't been as hungry either. Granted, with the day I had, I barely had time to pee much less eat. But still, so far so good.

the art of shoveling.

When the snow starts to fly in Wisconsin, the kids all don their snow pants and head out to play, skiers and snowshoers strap on equipment and hit the trails, the plows hit the road in full force but rush hour traffic still travels at the pace of a snail and the snow blowers start up with their loud and obnoxious drone. Luckily, there are not many snow blowers on my street. Around here it seems, most are content to shovel(and complain about it all season long, of course).

I love to shovel. Really, I do. I'm a late night, early morning shoveler. I try to work it so that my little ones are snuggled in bed fast asleep, the neighborhood is quiet, the sky is dark and I'm the only one out. To be alone and outside in the quiet and stillness is like therapy for me. It's time for me to think uninterrupted. Or to simply listen to the scrape of shovel on ice and not think at all. To breathe the crisp air and move and stretch my body. It's a time for me to accomplish something good and hard and tangible. As a single mom(and like all mamas* out there), my job is hard. Everyday is alot of hard work. But you can't always see what you've done. In fact, alot of days, it looks as though I haven't done anything at all yet feels as if I've gone thru a major battle. There's something different about hard physical labor, though. When I shovel, I can see my progress immediately, I can feel my body working hard and when I'm done, there is a definite sense of accomplishment. A feeling of, heck-yeah-I-can-do-this. I'm ok. I can go it alone. It's an ego boost, admittedly. A much needed and welcome boost for this hard working, single mama, for sure.

*This, of course goes for all parents, single or not, moms and dads. Being a parent is alot of work. I, personally, relate to mamas, being one myself but it certainly doesn't mean that I am oblivious to the work of all parents...so, please don't take offense! :)

tested.

Relax. Breathe. Let it go. Right?

My girls like to test me. My boy, too. But he's relatively easy compared to his sisters. I had to take some good deep breaths throughout the day and even then, there were some time outs and a little bit of yelling. I think I did ok though. I got really frustrated when my lovely Lo absolutely refused to get ready to go outside when mama really needed to get outside in the fresh air for a bit. After much discussing, persuading, threatening, I yelled a little and sent her to her room so that we could all bypass anymore yelling. This is alright because sometimes we both need some time apart. We're together alot. Pretty much all the time, really. So she ended up being pretty content playing in her room and I got a little bit of a break. Unfortunately not outside.
But then later on, this...

This is the work of my other little one. The lover of chapstick, lipgloss, booty balms, anything that comes in a tube or a tin and that she can mush around. This was a nearly brand new tin of lip balm. I love brand new lip balms. But apparently my sneaky little(beautiful)urchin(who I really do love to pieces)loves them just as much as I and got a hold of it. She searches, climbs, picks my pockets, anything to find the next tube or tin. But this time, I took a breath first and picked it up and walked away. I didn't yell. I curbed my frustration. I let it go. Well, kind of. Except I need to vent a little bit about it here. But then, gone. I promise.

Now to find the good, right? There's always good.

Here is my bit of sweetness for the day.

My lovely Lola loving juicing. Carrot, apple and orange because that's all we had in the fridge. But I've made promises to pick up more supplies at the grocery store when we get there next and I'm thinking she might get a little bit creative.
This is good. Well, this and a vodka cranberry with a splash of orange...

tea time

My sweet little girls decided to have a sweet little tea party and since I'm on a New Year, new me kick, I decided to go all out and make them sweet little star sandwiches to go with their tea(it makes me feel like a good mom). They helped set the table with sandwiches and cookies and "tea" and sugar and clementines. Very sweet. And the sweet little tea party quite quickly(like within a matter of minutes)turned into this.

Because if you know my(very sweet)little girls, you also know that they don't stay that way for long. My girls are spunky, energetic, a little bit feisty(sometimes alot bit), strong willed and very independent. All good traits, for sure. All challenging traits at times, as well.

And then it turned into this and I decided it was time to put the sugar away.

A big part of what I'm striving for this year is to become a more chill mama. Because let's be perfectly honest...I'm a freak. Really. I have a bit of an anxiety problem, I get overstimulated and irritable far too easily and lately, I feel like I'm frustrated the vast majority of the time and yelling far too much. And then I can see it in my kids, too. I'm constantly telling them to "use nice words, please", "change your tone", "don't yell at your sister", "we need to help teach her...", "listen to my words". What I really need to do is start listening to my own words and setting the example that I want to see in my kids. I want, need to change this. Now. And I am trying. A true conscious effort is being made by myself to stop, breathe and let it go. To not get frustrated over spilled milk(so to speak)or water or sugar or 5 baskets of toys all over the floor. To take a breath and use nice words instead of angry, frustrated, irritated or sarcastic ones. To listen more, play more, laugh more, argue less. To chill out and let it go. Because in the long run, a puddle of sugary "tea" on the floor isn't worth getting frustrated over. And getting irritated over something so silly certainly isn't what I want to be teaching my kids is the way to behave.

Relax. Breathe. Let it go.

I'm working on it.

heat wave

It got up to a balmy 16 degrees and the beautiful sun was calling to us. Around these parts, that warrants an afternoon of play in the backyard. Which, after a refreshing walk(finally, to be out in the air! I nearly suffocated inside!)to pick up Luke from school, that was exactly what we did.

The kids tried out their new snowshoes and loved them. Hazel chowed down on ice and snow...yes, I am well aware that this may not be the most sanitary of practices but she loves it. Can't get enough of it. There's absolutely no stopping her. And mama got a much needed outside, out of the house, soak it up fix. Hopefully the temps will hold for a couple of days so we can get out a bit more. I hear they'll be dropping again by the weekend.

Then it was inside for hot cocoa, a simple wintry project and a bite to eat.

And here's something I already love about this blog. It really helps me to focus on the good things. The things that I've loved about the day instead of the not so good things that I sometimes focus on so much that I completely miss the good. Like how awesome our snowy placemats turned out instead of what a complete mess it made. That's not to say, of course that this space will be all good. I have hard days, lots of them. But I will try to continue to see the good each day...I'll try. It's one of my many life changing resolutions, to see the good and be grateful for it. Everyday.

A little more goodness to be thankful for...it's supposed to get up to 17 degrees! today...it's like a heat wave!

a little heat

I have mentioned these once already. I know, this is only my third post EVER and how sad is it that I'm posting about the same thing twice in a just few days. But these are definitely worth a space of their very own because I love them!!! Really...I could eat them everyday. They are that delicious. Absolutely perfect on nachos and fabulous thrown on a tortilla with a scrambled egg. But here's the problem...I canned these for the first time this past summer and being quite unsure of my canning abilities, I only made 4 half pint jars of them. Only 4! And just little half pints!!! Which means that if I don't ration them for only very special occasions or like, when I can't take it anymore and I just have to have some, they could be gone in less than a week. Seriously. And I already only have 3 and about a quarter jars left because I started chowing on the first jar a couple of days ago...it's not going to be around for long, either. So, I give my guarantee here and now that come this summer, no matter where we end up, a potted jalapeno plant(or two or three) will be with me always. And although I love them fresh, too, many of them will be finding their way to a jar.
Here's the recipe I used, more or less. You should know from the get-go that I'm horrible at following a recipe(or a pattern or directions for that matter). I'm more of a wing it kind of a girl. This is basically what I went by but if you've never canned using a hot water bath(I don't have a canner so, this the only process I've used so far), read up on it a bit so that you get a feel for the basics.

Pickled Hot Peppers makes two 1/2 pint jars

1 cup white vinegar

1/2 cup water

2 cloves garlic

1/2 teaspoon mustard seeds

1/2 teaspoon pickling salt

about 2 cups sliced jalapenos(remove seeds if you can't take the heat!)

In a nonaluminum saucepan, heat vinegar and water. Into each hot, sterilized(1/2 pint) jar, place 1 clove garlic, 1/4 teaspoon mustard seed and 1/4 teaspoon pickling salt. Pack jar with jalapeno slices leaving 1/2 inch head space. Fill with hot brine, leaving 1/2 inch head space. Be sure to remove any air bubbles that may have gotten trapped inside. Seal. Process in a boiling water bath for 5 minutes. Let cool undisturbed for 12 hours. Be sure that they have sealed properly before storing. These would work fine in pint jars, too! But being the only member of my household who will eat them, the half pints work for me.

I'll try to remember to mention this once canning season rolls around again. Until then, my measly 4 jars will have to suffice.

chili love.

I am a Wisconsin girl thru and thru. I drink whole milk, I adore and eat daily cheeses of all kinds, I love the changing seasons and I love Wisconsin weather. Yes, it is unpredictable, changes by the minute and is sometimes extremely harsh. I love the sun and the rain. I cherish, anticipate and embrace the storms. But most of all, I LOVE the snow and cold that winter brings. Truly...LOVE. And so, today, when we finally ventured out after a nearly two day hibernation, it was quite literally, a breath of fresh air. A refreshing 5 degrees. Love it!
Unfortunately, my little ones are a bit more sensitive to the chill and all we really got out for was a trip to the grocery store. It was definately a worthwhile trip, though. Aside from the beauty of breathing that fresh, crisp air if only for a few short moments, we got fixin's for a perfect winter meal...chili. Yum! Definately a favorite of mine and even the kids remarkably dug it. Of course with a genrous heap of sharp cheddar and a dallop of sour cream...I am a Wisconsin girl, afterall.

a good start

The first day of 2010. A fresh start. A new beginning. This is good.

Since I'm a bit of an all or nothing kind of girl, i have high hopes for this coming year. My resolutions run long. This year is expected to be life changing. (Come to think of it, I can't exactly come up with a year where life hasn't changed a bit...but you know what i mean.) I have big plans.

This...this is big. This blog. This is a good start today. A start in the direction i want to be heading. A scary start. But here goes...

Other than this, today was not terribly unusual. A good day. Good meals, time together.

I opened my very first jar of my first ever canned jalapenos and was not dissappointed.

Painting, playing, movie watching. Me, being a mama. Kids, being kids. Good.

Here is my favorite part of the day, though. The perfect beginning to this exciting new year...

and she said, "look, mama, it's the sun!"

Happy New Year!

and now, it's time to jump...