valentine.

Valentine's Day is fast approaching and because I'm single and have three little loves of my own, it is primarily a children's holiday in my book. Brown paper bags decorated and brimming with spiderman and princess and(hopefully!)some handmade valentines. Chocolate cupcakes with red and pink sprinkles. Cutting and coloring and pasting lots and lots of sweet little hearts. I sometimes forget that many people celebrate Valentine's Day in other ways. Romantic candlelit dinners. Boxes of fancy chocolates. Roses and sweet nothings. Needless to say, it's been a long time since I've had a special someone to call my valentine. And I'm ok with that, except...

Yes, except.The truth is is that I can't quite imagine ever having that again(did I ever really have it in the first place?) As a single mama with three young children, there is very little(if any!)desire to meet someone. If you couldn't guess, I don't get out much. The actual meeting of that someone might be a problem. And dating! Are you kidding!? I have no time for that nonsense. I remember (vaguely but with fondness)the newness, the excitement of that something that's just begun. But the awkwardness, the getting to know you phase. No thanks. Mind you, my social skills are sadly lacking since spending all hours of the day with mostly wee ones(this could make up an entire post of it's own!). Making that effort, taking that time is simply beyond my realm of possibility right now. 3 kids. they consume me. It's hard to imagine having room for more but at the same time, I can feel a space. Something missing.

Not long ago, I was venting a bit to a friend about how everyone I knew had someone. A husband or wife, a significant other, a partner in this life. And how weary I am of being alone, of having no one to talk to at the end of the day, of doing it all all of the time. This friend gave me a little pep talk and then said, "don't worry, you're ship hasn't sailed yet." Which, firstly made me feel very old and secondly, made me realize that although it hasn't sailed for good, this ship is definitely far out at sea right now. I'm cool with that. Because right now, sweet, sticky kisses, pasted, misshapen hearts and my little ones snuggled close are all that I need.

Perhaps someday...